Listen to your instincts. They are good. Talking about marriage in the first month of dating and pursuing the issue when you’ve never had more than 4 days together makes no sense at all. Of course you’re anxious. What’s the rush? I don’t think the problem is that you’re “gun shy” from a short marriage 7 years ago. I think your system is trying to slow you down.
I’m also concerned that you aren’t more attracted to him. Yes, he may be wonderful. But attraction does matter. It shouldn’t be the only factor in your decision but it certainly should be considered.
I think you should take a big step back. Put the marriage question on hold until you’ve had some quality and quantity time together. Give yourself time to get to know how you two click when you aren’t in “visit” mode. You need some time to get into daily routines and see how it works. If your boyfriend pressures you to move faster, there’s something amiss. A decision as important as who you’ll spend the rest of your life with deserves time and attention. If he truly loves you, he can slow down too.
There’s a sweetness to the time of courtship. It’s a time to explore each other on many, many levels. It’s a time to learn everything from what kind of toast a person prefers to how to please each other physically. It’s a time to enjoy being the full focus of someone else’s love and attention. It’s a time to meet each other’s family and friends to see if there’s a good fit. It’s a time to talk about the endless possibilities that go into making a life together, from your personal goals to your hopes and dreams for a life together. Don’t shortchange yourselves. Enjoy the romance.
I wish you well.