My mind scares me. The way that I think. Sometimes I can’t even control it. I try to stop doing things or saying things but I just can’t. I really want to kill someone. Sometimes, I just have urges to hurt people. I am a compassionate person and I don’t like to hurt people, but I want to, if that makes sense. My hands shake a lot. I do have anxiety. I am really extremely paranoid. I have had a fear of being kidnapped since a very young age. I don’t like to be alone or go places as I believe everyone is watching and out to get me. Recently, I’ve even began to think that my family is plotting against me. I don’t trust people and I don’t like to open up but i’ve began to think that I need serious help. I sometimes think that other people are in my mind. Like, hearing my thoughts and telling me stuff. I believe I am a werewolf. Seriously, no joke, I believe that I will turn into a werewolf soon. I don’t know why but I feel that I am one. I sometimes think I have super-powers, like that I try to use. I am very, extremely claustrophobic. I have symmetrical OCD. Sometimes, I just have very random, irrelevant requests that I feel I am not in control of. The other night, I really, really felt the need to play twenty questions with my sister. I don’t know why and it felt like an uncontrollable feeling. I kept following my sister around, asking her to play it with me. Doesn’t sound so bad, except I wasn’t trying to keep asking her or be a creep, but it was just happening. Then, she called me a psychopath. She said that I legit act like one. I shared some of the thoughts that I have that scare me with her and she think’s I am insane. I want to kill myself, but I stay for my mom. I get really depressed and then very energetic randomly, and in fazes. I do act normal sometimes and have control of myself and my mind. I am a very sexual person, also. I am turned on pretty much 98% of the time. I don’t know what else to say, except that I am scared.
I am sorry that this is happening to you. I can understand why you are frightened.
Your symptoms may be indicative of bipolar disorder with psychotic features. I can’t know that with certainty because only an in-person evaluation by a mental health professional could determine a diagnosis.
What is clear from your letter is that your symptoms are causing you a great deal of distress. At this point, you’re unable to control your symptoms. For those reasons, you should be evaluated by a mental health professional. A mental health professional could gather a detailed psychosocial history and determine what may be wrong and begin treatment immediately.
Your symptoms are frightening but they are treatable. In your case, a mental health professional is likely going to recommend both medication and psychotherapy. A low dose of medication might decrease many of your symptoms, especially the paranoia and anxiety. Medication can also stabilize your mood.
I hope you will consider my advice. It is especially concerning that you have contemplated suicide. Thankfully you stated that you will not end your life because of your mother but the fact that you were considering it is indicative of how much you are suffering. Please don’t hesitate to get the help that you need and deserve. There is no reason to suffer when excellent treatments are available that can decrease or possibly even eliminate your symptoms. Please take care.
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). I Feel I Am Completely Insane. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/11/13/i-feel-i-am-completely-insane/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.