You would be surprised how many young women find themselves in this situation. Let me take you back through the explanation you gave so you can reframe what has to happen.
- He is verbally abusive
- Doesn’t take responsibility for his behavior
- Refuses to acknowledge his mistakes
- There is no joy when you are with him
- He doesn’t treat you well
- He doesn’t care if you say you want to break up
- He only want you to agree with him
- He wants things his way
- You are too dependent on him
- He depresses you and you do not feel good about yourself
- He has treated you so badly you have considered ending your life because of him
- You don’t know how to function without him
- You are afraid to leave your house and your world is built around him
When I read over this list it seems clear to me that that the work is on figuring out how to leave him, not if you should. Toward this end I recommend three things: First, you need a ton of support. You say that you are in school, and I would recommend that you talk to one of the counselors there to get someone to understand what you are going through.
Second, I would ask the counselor to help you find a support group to help with your anxiety. This will help you broaden your circle of friends by helping you overcome anxiety.
Finally, I would recommend developing new skills that will make you more independent. You may want to check with your primary care physician about getting some medicine to help with the anxiety as you begin to develop a broader range of skills and connections.
The reason you haven’t been able to break away is that you have not had enough support in doing so. Create a support system of family friends and professionals that can help you when the anxiety of the breakup gets to you. The more support you have, the greater the likelihood you will be successful when you break away.