At only 15, you’ve been burdened with far too much. Your dad’s drinking has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are not responsible for his drinking. You can’t make him stop. This is his problem and he has to deal with it. If he weren’t so caught up in his addiction, he would recognize that you are a kid to be proud of. But he can’t do that.
I strongly encourage you to get involved with Ala-Teen. This is an organization for teenaged children of alcoholics. Go to a few meetings and see if it’s helpful for you. You’ll get good information. Most important, you’ll get the support of other kids wh are in the same type of situation. Check out this link. Hurting yourself and thinking negative thoughts will not help you or your dad. Getting some practical help and some support will.
Writing to us here at PsychCentral was a good first step toward better self-esteem. Now take the next step and get some local, ongoing help. You deserve it.
I wish you well.