If you videotaped yourself on medication and off medication, you’d see a difference in your personality. This is not to say that medication is either good or bad but it does affect one’s personality.
Medication also alters emotional expression. Medication can numb emotions, which can be beneficial in some circumstances but it can also make it difficult to express a full range of emotions.
The only way to truly answer the question: “how do I know if I am truly benefitting from the medication?” would be to stop taking your medication for a period of time. I am not recommending such a course of action.
I would recommend discussing your thoughts about medication with your psychiatrist. Perhaps he or she would be willing to try decreasing your medication while carefully monitoring your emotions and behavior. It would obviously involve a great deal of careful planning and thought but it might be something to consider. Should you decide to try a decrease, discussions with your psychiatrist should involve planning for what could happen in the event of a psychological emergency.
Whatever you decide, it is important to involve both your psychiatrist and your psychologist. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle