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Promiscuous Past

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I was previously married and had an affair with a co-worker/boss. He was/is married. It went on for a few months. No one ever found out, but my marriage ended. The boss remains married. I am now dating a new man whom I love very much. Wanting to be open and honest, I told him about this. We no longer work with this man, but my current partner knows him. We all worked at the same place. My boyfriend says the boss is old and ugly and cannot figure out why I did that. He is disgusted with my behaviour and with the man I chose to do this with. He cannot get it out of his head. It eats at him daily. We talk about it a lot. I don’t know how to help him handle this and move on. We really love each other and are committed to this. I have forgiven myself for what I did, but it kills me to know that it hurts him. How can he get over my past?

Promiscuous Past

Answered by on -

A.

It can be very disconcerting to have the person you love hold back because of past indiscretions. What seems clear here is that you have learned something from the affair, have been open about it, and have done the hard work of forgiving yourself. Don’t let your boyfriend keep you from being liberated from guilt. This is his issue to cope with and the best way for you to help him is to explain that his behavior will keep the two of you from getting closer, and that while you understand his reaction, he needs to find a way to deal with forgiving you. If he can’t do this the future together can’t be what you hoped for.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Promiscuous Past

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Promiscuous Past. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/09/23/promiscuous-past/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.