I am sorry it has become so difficult to be with a person who has developed more aggressive patterns of behavior. But I think you have the insight already. The relationship is not is a stable place because he is not in a stable place. It is time to protect yourself physically, emotionally and verbally. There is too much here to hang around and hope for it to get better. It is time for action. I would encourage you to talk to him about couples counseling, but if he isn’t willing then I would look for support services for you.
In that case look for the closest women’s center (most communities have one nearby) and make an appointment. They typically have many resources (individual, group, legal, etc.) that you will want to use. They will have information on where your husband can go for anger management classes, give you pointers on what to do if it escalates, and most important, suggest to you how to stay safe.