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Wobbly Relationship

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Well I’m currently engaged. I have been with my fiancée for a little over 2 yrs. It was instant chemistry between the two. We pretty much hung out one day and have been together ever since. For the past 8 months I have been terribly unhappy for the most part. He is a great person and treats me better than any boyfriend or husband of anyone I know. Girls would be so lucky to be with someone like him. However I am so unhappy and depressed when I’m with him. I have taken a few days to myself occasionally and realized that although very saddened and doubtful about my time apart from him, I gain my self-esteem and my depression goes away. I am a jealous and very insecure person by his side but I am confident and free on my own. It worries me that my horrible past relationship will never go away and if I leave a good man I will later come to find out it was myself with the issues and I will fall in the hole again. I’m at a crossroad and extremely insure about which direction to go to. Thank u.

Wobbly Relationship

Answered by on -


I admire how you are thinking about and approaching this issue, and am particularly impressed with the fact that you are willing to look more deeply at yourself since you are not identifying your fiancée’s behavior as the problem.

The struggle to understand your emotional reaction in contradiction to your experience can be caused by many possibilities and it is too difficult from the information you’ve given to know which ones are likely. Previous relationships may be generating this, family of origin issues, and in a more immediate way simply being able to tolerate the good things that come into your life may be causing the reaction. I would strongly encourage you to discuss this with a therapist. My guess is this will be fairly easy to determine and you can then begin sorting though correcting it. The find help tab at the top of the page can help locate someone in your area. Let your fiancée know that you are working on having a better understanding of your reactions and let him know you appreciate his understanding

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Wobbly Relationship

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Wobbly Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.