What I think is that you and your boyfriend are 20 years old and were not at all ready for the responsibility of having a child. You don’t love him. Your relationship has never been stable. Now your boyfriend is bailing on his job as a parent and you are constantly anxious about what he is doing. You were insecure to start with. I have no way of knowing if your insecurities are heightened by the normal exhaustion and emotionality that comes with new motherhood or if your boyfriend is in fact distancing himself from you and the obligations of fatherhood. Either way, I’m glad you are in counseling. It’s your only hope of making a family together.
I hope you will take your letter and this response to your counselor. She needs to know how desperate you are feeling. Whether you and your boyfriend stay together or not, you are now parents. That binds you to each other and to your child forever. I hope you will do the work necessary to make yourselves into the parents your child deserves.
I wish you well.