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Husband’s Partying is Ruining Relationship

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My husband goes out (bars, clubs) with friends or co-workers at least once a week. He plays sport 3 times/ week. Both in the evening. Usually he comes home around 11pm after sport, 1am after bars/clubs but lately 2 am and now 4am after bars/clubs.

We have a 7 month old baby. I stay at home with our baby when he goes out.

We had some fights about his going out time. Before, he went out with friends 3 times/ week and I told him I need him to spend time with us (me and our baby) more. Now he goes out once a week, that’s fine. But the latest time, he left at 7pm and came back home at 4am. Drunk and went straight to bed. I was so upset and couldn’t sleep that whole night. I did check his msgs on the mobile (1st time) and found a msg he sent to a female friend: she asked him “Where are you guys?”, he replied “Waiting for taxi”, then she asked “No, I demand more”, he said “We are naked, shall we dress?”. AND THEN, I was really angry.

I was angry because I stayed at home with the baby and waited for him, when he went out for nearly 10 hours drank and flirted around with female friends.

I was very upset and angry, I showed it to him. I did raise my voice and yell at him.

Am I too jealous and I over acted?

Husband’s Partying is Ruining Relationship

Answered by on -


Your husband needs to grow up. This is worth fighting over. Not only did you not overreact–I would say your behavior was subdued. Perhaps there is more of a cultural allowance in your country for his behavior, but in straight psychological terms with regard to relationship and family, his behavior is at best immature and at worst irresponsible.

I would highly recommend couples therapy sooner rather than later. This sort of thing rarely gets better on its own. Second, I would make sure that you have at least one night where you go out and he has responsibility for your infant. This is important. Even if you just go to the library the idea is that you need to have some time for whatever you want to do, and he needs to learn how to become a parent. Finally, I would plan for time for the two of you to be together and for the three of you to be a family. Time alone for couples is essential and time shared as a family is precious.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Husband’s Partying is Ruining Relationship

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Husband’s Partying is Ruining Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 26, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 17 Aug 2012)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.