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Trust Issues

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I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly eight months now. In the beginning of the relationship his ex was still calling and texting him. Originally, I found out b/c she showed up at his door drunk and upset about a mutual friend’s death and somehow was able to get in and stay all weekend. I wanted to understand but when he told me she was still there, I was furious. He chose her over me. I feel if it weren’t a friend’s death, it would’ve been something else. After discussing the situation, I decided to put it in the past b/c I feel he is worth loving. In the meantime, she continued calling and texting, which made it very hard for me to forget she existed. I decided to text her myself to let her know that I knew she was interfering and I didn’t appreciate it. After that she stopped all communication but I had become obsessed with the weekend she stayed while we were dating, wondering if they were intimate. I confronted him and asked him directly if he had done anything sexual with her and he said no. I have already decided that no matter what I think happened, I would like to move forward and have a healthy relationship with him. The only problem is I have huge trust issues that stem from childhood trauma. Which means I have trouble trusting even my family. I know it’s psychological and it’s a problem but I don’t have anyone to talk to. I feel I have turned into this monster that constantly looks through his phone. I hate myself for it and I just want to feel better. I need advice on how to move forward and stay positive. HELP!

Trust Issues

Answered by on -

A.

I am going to recommend a book that I think will help you cope with this style of thinking The Resilience Factor will help you learn how to challenge your thoughts. This book will show you the A-B-C model of dealing with the Activating event, your Beliefs and your Consequences by challenging your beliefs. You may also want to see this psychcentral video about cheating.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Trust Issues

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Trust Issues. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 16, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/08/04/trust-issues-4/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.