Well it started in high school i was an honors student and was getting ready to move off into the real world and for some reason made a rash decision that a commercial dive school aka a trade school was what i wanted to do. However when the day came i began to get scared and it was not untill i moved to florida and got to the school did i realise it was a huge mistake…i pulled out and decided to go back home and attend college. However my step father became very angry and i feel that my mistake has caused a strain in my mothers life…and im scared…i feel that i am destroying her life sometimes i feel so badly that thoughts of she would be better off without me cross my mind…is what i did so wrong. Please i just need to talk or something im depressed alone scared and confused.Depressed over a Mistake
Depressed over a Mistake
It is unclear why your “mistake” would negatively affect your mother. Is it that when your father is angry, he takes his anger out on your mother? If so, then the problem is with the unfair actions of your stepfather.
Generally speaking, I would not characterize your decision to enter college rather than trade school as a big “mistake.” A big mistake would have been attending trade school when you knew that you’d rather be in college. Actually, I would consider your decision to enter college to be very wise. Perhaps a better characterization of your situation is that you almost made a big mistake rather than you did make a big mistake.
I would recommend individual counseling and family therapy. The reason I am making that suggestion is because you are experiencing passive suicidal ideation (i.e. “my mother would be better off without me”), depression, fear, loneliness, and confusion. Those are concerning symptoms. Therapy could assist you in determining how to appropriately handle your situation. It could also assist members of your family in dealing with your stepfather’s anger, and any other family problems that may exist. I hope that you will consider therapy. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.