I told my best friend of 12 years goodbye a couple days ago because I don’t see the need to have friends. I have no desire to be around her or anyone else. She was one of my last friends to go and I couldn’t care less.
My story is very long and very (maybe?) complicated. I will make it as short as I can. My childhood was no childhood at all. I was beaten and both emotionally and sexually abused. I was left on my won and starved a lot. I had nightmares, wet the bed (forced to go to school with those exact same clothes), and hallucinated.
Nothing was expected of me at school and I learned nothing. I had a couple friends but they were as anti-social as me. No one wanted anything to do with us. I’ve had a couple boyfriends but I always ended it after a couple weeks as I didn’t see point in having a relationship. I honestly don’t feel the things people claim that they feel; love, affection, etc.
I developed a depression when I was 15, I never stopped being depressed. First year in High school I had the best grades in my class. Second year I was bullied and was on my own. I dropped out after 6 months. I’ve had nothing since then.
I have panic attacks. I don’t have a phone anymore, I don’t open up the door and I hardly ever leave the house. I am terrified of being confronted. I talk to people in my head and I repeat sentences daily. I also have scratch marks around my body due to the itching that starts when I get nervous. I don’t sleep or eat much. I still have nightmares and I hallucinate sometimes. Hard to explain but I see faces around me. A towel on the floor can suddenly look like a human face, just bizarre. And, I don’t-feel-anything-anymore.
I’ve never talked to anyone about things, and never seen a psychologist or doctor. Do you think people like me can get a normal life? Do you think people like me can get well and heal? I believe in angels, God and reincarnation. You see, this can’t be my only life. God can’t simply take away the opportunity for me to have a childhood and a normal life. It’s not fair for me to have had the start that I have had, the present that I have and the future that I will have. What am I supposed to do? Spent my whole life chewing pills and surviving, then die and that will be it? Can I possible change my life and actually get better? I would appreciate an honest answer.Is There Any Hope For Me To Get Better?
Is There Any Hope For Me To Get Better?
If you believe in reincarnation, then you may want to read the work of Dr. Brian Weiss. He has written many books about the subject. With regard to living a difficult life, Dr. Weiss said the following: “Sometimes a soul chooses a particularly challenging lifetime in order to accelerate its spiritual progress, or as an act of love to help, guide, and nourish others who are also going through a similarly difficult lifetime. A hard life is not a punishment, but rather an opportunity.”
Dr. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, believes that struggling in life is the norm rather than the exception. Expect to suffer, learn effective ways of coping with it and attempt to find meaning in that suffering. Dr. Frankl also suggested that one should, if possible, attempt to utilize negative life struggles in positive ways. He referred to this concept as tragic optimism. Tragic optimism essentially means turning something negative into something positive.
It is not fair that you have had a difficult life but you have a choice in this situation. You have free will. You can decide to receive help for the various problems with which you’ve struggled. The choice is yours. Gaining the proper mental health assistance is your opportunity to turn something negative into something positive.
You asked whether or not I believe that you can “get better.” I believe it is possible and likely, with the right help and I mean that with all sincerity. As you stated, you have yet to access any mental health assistance. Essentially, you have yet to give yourself a chance. There is a great deal of hope for you.
Schedule an appointment with a mental health professional. Report your symptoms and your concerns. By accessing help, you are beginning the process of healing. I hope that you’re able to find the help that you desire.