Basic is a profound experience that grows a person up real fast. It’s not at all unusual for people your age to find that they have grown apart from friends and lovers they left behind. I’m sure you’ve changed. How could you not? You’ve met many challenges that tested your strength of character as well as your abilities. You are looking at a future that may well include life-threatening events. It makes sense that you are questioning things about your relationship that maybe didn’t bother you so much before.
If you know people who have come back from deployment, they can probably give you far better advice than I can. They’ve either been in the situation you’re in now or know people who have been. What I can suggest is that until your boyfriend grows up, he’s not a good bet for you — whether or not you are in the service. He is living off his parents and can’t even afford a date??? That sends up lots of red flags for me. He can’t relate to your feelings? Come on. It doesn’t take a lot of empathy to understand what it must feel like to be far from home.
Based on what you shared in your letter, my advice would be to pull back from the engagement and give yourself the chance to meet people on your level. Yes, I know it may feel like having someone at home who loves you is better than not. But I think it sets up expectations for both of you that will be difficult for you to honor. I also think you may find that there are men in your unit who are more on your wavelength. One more thing: Whatever you do, don’t give this guy access to your paychecks when you’re deployed. Set up a savings account for yourself so you’ll have a nest egg when you return.
I wish you well.