You are not “crazy.” You’re dealing with an anxiety issue. Millions of individuals struggle with anxiety problems. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), which you may or may not have, is characterized by unwanted intrusive thoughts or obsessions that compel individuals to engage in ritualistic behavior in an attempt to decrease their anxiety. Though it is not true for everyone, many individuals develop OCD after a trauma-related incident or a significant loss.
I would not recommend that you continue to try to fix this problem yourself because as you’ve stated, it has become worse, not better. That is the nature of anxiety disorders, particularly OCD. The more that you engage in your rituals, the more you reinforce those behaviors and thus the problem intensifies.
The wisest and most efficient solution to this problem would be to see a therapist who specializes in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). There are very targeted treatments that deal specifically with OCD, primarily, exposure and response prevention therapy.
This problem requires professional help. The sooner that you seek professional help, the sooner you can be anxiety-free. The find help tab, at the top of this page, can assist you in locating the appropriate mental health professionals in your community. Be certain to choose a therapist who specializes in obsessive-compulsive disorder or in exposure and response prevention therapy. Please take care.