It is important to realize that psychological pain can be eliminated from your life. It’s often a matter of finding the right therapist and combination of medications. You have been in therapy for a number of years but it does not sound as though you have found the right therapist to help you. I would recommend continuing to try.
How will you know if you’re being helped in therapy? You should feel as though the therapist “gets it.” You should leave every session feeling a little better. You should feel a connection with your therapist. You should feel that the therapist understands you.
It is also important to understand that therapy can take years to be fully effective. Don’t give up. Many of the problems that individuals are dealing with are complex and may stem from childhood.
Two self-help books that I would recommend include The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck and Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. I consider these books to be timeless in that they contain a great deal of enduring wisdom and address a wide variety of problems including anger, depression and anxiety.
I would also recommend that you consider an anger management program. There may be one in your community. Many are highly effective. You also might want to consider an anger management workbook. I hope that you’re able to find the help you are looking for. Please take care.