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Big Problem with In-Laws

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I have a big problem with dealing with my in laws. Actually, my boyfriend and me is getting along together for over 7years. There was no problem with my in laws at early years. But the problem began when I started studying abroad. Actually, my BF’ cousin, my sis in law, went to study BBA and she came back because she couldn’t study even the Foundation of Business English Class, not the Credit courses. But for me, I went to study MBA and I am OK with my studying. We went to the different countries and universities. At first I thought there was nothing concerning between my studying and hers. But unfortunately, she extremely jealous and gossiping about me in her relations. Although she is first cousin to my BF, their families lived together and they are like siblings. Especially, my BF’ mom love her like her own daughter. That’s the main point. My mother in law believe and accept whatever she and her own family said. Not only her, but also her mom hate me when I start studying abroad. She even talk and insult about my personality and character. For example, at the early months I went studying abroad, she and her family said ‘she cant study long coz she is not qualified’. But when I am ok with my studying, they said ‘she will become worse than a sexual worker and will cheat my bro cousin’ (yeah, they said even like that). But, when I am perfect with my personality, they (she and her family) said, ‘Ah! Nothing happened? Yeah. Because she is abnormal now coz she live alone without her family’. When my sis in law tried to study abroad, both and her family moved.
The main problem is that my BF’ mother believe and talked to me very very badly starts from over 1year ago.(She talked to me like a street dog). At the first time, I couldn’t even talk back a word to her because I was so surprise as we had a good relation. She did for twice but thanks for God, its a phone conversation and I drop the phone and never called her again. (But, now she pretend to be a good one whenever by boyfriend is with her and she said ‘I never said like that’ )
That jealous girl always tried to separate my BF and me with so many ways. I cant stand what they do. Coz they always talk about me badly to my BF, their relations and friends. As for me, I cant stand even a minute about that because my improving career is not like stealing her brain and her life. Hers is hers and mine is mine.
Start from there, I have been always angry with them. Like they stole my time by thinking about their nonsense gossip and insulting. Although my BF support me, I am not relieve of that. I often cried out suddenly and fight to my BF by telling about them but he never fight me back. He just say ‘Its not me Honey. Its them. Sorry for I cannot control them. But I will love you forever and will be more good to you’.
I don’t like this feeling. I had my peaceful life. I really miss my sound and peace past. I do hate them. But I also hate that feeling. I want to live without thinking them. I want to live peacefully whenever they have their family special occasions because I have to always worrying that whether they forced my BF to marry other girl (like they always do)or not and tell that how bad is my university and career and how bad is my personality.
I want to conquer them and my bad feeling. I do want to conquer them. On the other hand, I want to be in better place (education and personality)to make them more and more jealous. But this feeling drive me away and away from my peaceful life. I don’t know how to handle them and my feeling.
Please help me.

Big Problem with In-Laws

Answered by on -


It is time to get your boyfriend involved more directly and have him deal with his family directly. He is too passive and you need more direct support from him. It is true he cannot control them, but he can explain how disappointed he is in them, how it is both disrespectful and unacceptable to treat you this way. Your accomplishments need to be a source of pride, not the target of jealousy. The only reason you have to put up with them is because of your relationship with your boyfriend. It is time for him to stand with you and support you and confront his family.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Big Problem with In-Laws

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Big Problem with In-Laws. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 24, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 5 Jun 2012)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.