My bf and I have been together for 1.5 years. He is 32. From the start of our relationship, you could tell that he didn’t have a sex drive. But after a while, I noticed that he wasn’t the initiator for making love. If we were to make love, I had to initiate or we wouldn’t have sex at all. There was one point we went 3 months without having sex because he wasn’t initiating and I was pissed off that I always had to initiate, so I stopped. Let me add, I’m not the most sex driven person either…I could go a week or two, but I am not used to being the one to initiate sexual contact and I also am not used to being turned down. This is a 1st for me, and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m used to the guys that are up your butt and the girl has to turn them down. I feel like I am the guy. Its come to the point that it is ruining our relationship and anything that is a little problem, turns into a bigger thing because the sex problem is taking precedence over everything else. I did find out however, that he has been like this for a long time. He is on Effexor, and I know that also decreases your sex drive, but even before the Effexor…he told me that he had a low sex drive.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want this to ruin our relationship because our relationship is great otherwise. I just need some help in figuring out what I can do to cope with this and how I can handle not getting so upset about it when he isn’t in the mood. I know he isn’t cheating or anything. The only thing I can think of is maybe a low testosterone level, but I’m so afraid of bringing anything up because its always in a negative light and I’m sure being negative is not the best way to approach it.