You seem to believe that you are a burden to others. You are not. You are in pain and you need and deserve help. You are withholding your feelings from others to protect them but you are only hurting yourself. That is not healthy.
Sometimes people feel that way when they lack the problem solving-skills to deal with life problems. Suicide should never be considered an option. Your friends and family can handle discussing your feelings far better they would be able to handle your suicide. Losing someone you love is very, very difficult.
Your friends and family may want to help but are not sure how to do so. That makes sense, since they don’t have the training to deal with emotional problems.
Therapists have that training. You are withholding very important information from your therapist. As long as you continue to withhold that information, he or she cannot fully help you. I would urge you to reveal these important details to your therapist as soon as possible. It is the correct way to handle the situation.
If you feel that your therapist is not helpful, then try another. Keep trying until you find someone you are comfortable with.
Millions of people have felt the way that you do. They sought help, received help and have now fully recovered. You can expect a similar outcome if you are willing to seek help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle