I am very glad you are writing us here about your situation. I appreciate what a difficult time this is, and yet the part of you that has reached out must believe there is a way through this. Let’s see if we can sort it through.
The first thing is to find someone to talk to right away about all of this. You can talk to your physician about the fact that you are having suicidal thoughts. In fact, if the thoughts seem persistent I would simply go to your local hospital and tell them. They are able to help you find someone to talk to who is qualified. But the most important thing here is to not keep these feelings to yourself. Find someone to talk to as quickly as you can. Preferably a therapist, but a good friend, someone from the church, or a former teacher, or the women’s center in your area would all be good choices. This is important because talking about these things with people who know how to hear you can really help.
Second, once you have found someone to talk to enlist their help in deciding what to do about dealing with your husband. The important thing is not to act without support. It is the feelings of isolation that eclipse our well-being. Be sure to talk to someone sooner rather than later.