The hallucinations are starting up again. The more stress the more I’m declining. 2 little girls are drawing and playing on my sidewalk outside my door, and I can’t stop thinking they’re evil. Every little out of place noise makes me jump and my skin crawls with terror. My thoughts are all over the place like pure chaos in a blender. And I can’t shake the feeling that something is coming for me.
I’ve been hospitalized once before but signed myself out because they put me on a dual unit though I don’t have a drug problem. 3 psychiatrists so far and I feel like none of them have really listened and just want to push meds down my throat without getting to the heart of the issue first. Stopped seeing my last therapist because he told me I was seeing ghosts and kept trying to shove a trauma history down my throat. And my last one pretty much let me run the show. Even my GP doesn’t listen when I asked to see a neurologist.
I don’t want to look like I’m doctor-hopping, but I can’t help it. I can’t trust them, and they haven’t listened. How am I supposed to find someone who can help me when I don’t trust anyone? I feel powerless in the face of a doctor (MD or PhD) and at the pathetic mercy of insurance companies and the hoops I have to jump through with themWho Can I Trust to Help?
Who Can I Trust to Help?
I am sorry about your difficult situation. I can see why it is difficult for you to trust someone at this time. Delusions and hallucinations feel completely real to those who are experiencing them, even though they are not at all real.
The latter point is important for you to focus on: Delusions and hallucinations feel completely real but they are not real at all. You can trust doctors. Doctors want to help. The children outside your door are not evil. The difficulty is that the sick brain cannot distinguish between what is real and what is not real. That is why it is essential that you seek help immediately.
By not seeking help, the children may be in danger. Please consider going to the doctor or the hospital, despite your fears. I understand how difficult that may be but you must seek help for the sake of innocent others.
Your brain won’t let you know what is real during a delusional period. Delusions attempt to fool you. Never forget this, violence is always wrong. If you feel the urge to do anything that is harmful to yourself or to another, immediately get help. Help is just one phone call away. Dial 911. Help, and I mean real help, will be at your door minutes later.
I hope that you will seek the help that you need and deserve. Please take care.