I’m so glad you wrote. You’ve been suffering with these feelings for far too long. It sounds to me like your friend is feeling competitive with you. You have loving parents. She doesn’t. She may not realize that she is tearing you down to make herself feel more important than she feels.
I’m very concerned about how lonely you are. Home-schooling can be wonderful academically but it can also be socially isolating. Unfortunately, the very thing your are using to help you feel connected with other people (online roleplaying) isn’t helping you at all with the development of social skills. People in games can certainly be important. But it’s equally important to feel secure about your ability to get along with others up close and pesonal.
As difficult as it may be, it’s very important for you to start finding ways to be with other people your age. The neat thing about volunteering for a cause, for example, is that you don’t have to be instant friends. You can just focus on getting a job done while you’re around other people. That’s often a good way to start re-entering the social scene. You might also want to join or start a gaming group for people who want to get together now and then to talk about strategies for your roleplays, for example. The point is to find ways to wade into new social experiences.
If that is all too, too frightening, I hope you will consider some therapy. A therapist can help you understand yourself better and help you work on your hurting self-esteem. Therapy also provides a safe place to figure out how to build social skills.
In the meantime, if you need someone to talk to, please call the Boys and Girls Town Hotline. Counselors are available 24/7 to talk to teens who are hurting. Their number is 800-448-3000.
I wish you well.