You have nearly made the appointment but fear has stopped you. Fear is ruling your life.
Make the appointment and keep it. Don’t worry about having to talk about sexual abuse at this point in time. Focus on current issues for now. Focus on the here and now. At this time, severe anxiety is ruling your life. That reality must be dealt with before delving deeper into your childhood issues.
The best way to combat fear and other psychological problems is to focus on reality. Force yourself to focus on what is real. Your fears are based on erroneous thinking. For instance, you are terrified of doctors, but in reality doctors exist for the purpose of healing you. There is no reason to fear a doctor. Don’t allow yourself to believe in an idea that has no basis in reality.
I applaud the fact that you are making an effort to seek help. Just getting to your first appointment should be considered an accomplishment, a step toward your return to happiness. I know that it will be difficult but force yourself to complete the call and go to the appointment. There are no secret tricks. Just get in your car and go, even if you are frightened. Realize that nothing bad can come from seeing a mental health professional. The most likely outcome from attending the appointment is relief and your finally getting the help that you deserve. Please take care.