Well, me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 months now. We’ve been pretty serious for about the last three, and last month we found out that we’re having a baby. We both know that we want to try to raise this baby together. It’s just that every time we’re together he completely ignores me. He just seems to be uninterested in me now. Even our love making has decreased. He keeps giving me excuses that he would love to but he doesn’t want to have to “work for it.” Even when I tell him that I’ll do all the work he still seems uninterested. He tells me he loves me more than anything everyday. But is he just saying this because I’m pregnant and he’s trying to do the right thing? We’ve talked about marriage but should I marry him when all I feel like is just a friend?

A: The simple answer is “no.” You two are only 20 and have been together for only 5 months. The pregnancy has moved your relationship to a new level before he was ready. To his credit, he has “manned up” and is trying to do the right thing by committing to you and the baby. But his behavior says more than his words. He is ambivalent about marriage and you should be.

A baby changes your lives forever. It’s important to take yourselves seriously if you are to be fair to each other, to yourselves and to your child. I suggest that the two of you get into some couples counseling to talk about what all three of you (you, the boyfriend, and the baby) want and need. Therapy provides a safe place and support to talk about hard issues and hopefully to come to a new and more understanding place in your relationship. You have 8 months before your child arrives. Use that time well and it will become clear what to do.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie