In 2010, I started going to a therapist about anxiety and depression. I went for about six months and she diagnosed me with OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Dependent Personality Disorder. I seemed to be pretty functionally after seeing her. I then became pregnant and didn’t she her anymore. My husband deployed during my pregnancy and didn’t return home until our daughter was 4 months old. Our marriage was so perfect before the deployment (we’ve been married since 2009). We never argued or anything and felt very comfortable talking to each other about anything, etc. Currently I feel like I’ve become a more depressed and anxious person all over again and now with strong feelings of angry. I have no idea why either! I’ve started to hate myself so much to the point where I don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning to take care of our daughter. It’s putting a damper on out marriage, my weight, our child and it seems like I can’t talk with my friends or anyone else about it without getting either a cold shoulder or an “I don’t care” response. My husband feels that I have resentment from something. I find myself either getting so angry I yell, throw things, hit my husband, or I get so depressed I stop taking care of things that need to get done. I need help!! I get so anxious about going back to therapy even more so now that I have a 7 month old child. I need to get my relationships, life and sanity back :(Severe Anxiety and Depression
Severe Anxiety and Depression
Your symptoms may be the result of postpartum depression. They could also stem from the return of your husband. It might be that your routine at home has changed and this has triggered a return of your symptoms.
You described your marriage as being perfect prior to his deployment and the birth of your daughter but your lives are drastically different now. Your relationship has been altered by the addition of a child. You and your spouse may need to adjust to the changes. The adjustment period may take some time.
You mentioned resentment. It is possible that you are feeling resentment about having to give birth alone and having to care for your daughter alone for the first few months of her life. Your feelings of resentment are understandable but not justified. Those feelings may be negatively impacting the interactions with your husband.
All of my attempts to explain your symptoms are based on a very short letter. I do not have enough information to know why your symptoms have returned. More important than determining a cause is the seeking of proper treatment. My recommendation is to return to your therapist. It seems as though you have had success with that before. If therapy worked once, it would likely work again. Do not hesitate to write again with additional questions. Please take care.