About a year ago I lost my father to suicide. At one point we had a good relationship that started going bad when I was in high school. We hadn’t spoken for 2 months before he killed himself, we were in a huge fight when it happened. His entire family blamed me for his death and I was banned from his funeral. I still have no idea where he is even buried. Within the past year I have gotten substantially worse. I had to quit my job because normal everyday stresses were unbearable. I have now spiraled into a deep depression which has started to effect my relationship of 3 years. I no longer have insurance, and money is tighter than ever. I know for the sake of my sanity I need help, even if that’s just talking to a professional. My only concern is paying for it. I’ve researched free mental health care, but that apparently does not exist. I need some guidance and options to fix this.Where Do I Find Affordable Help?
Where Do I Find Affordable Help?
You are not to blame for your father’s unfortunate and sad choice. A fight with a daughter is not enough for a person to end his own life. My guess is that he was dealing with a great many things and felt helpless to change them.
Often people like those in your family blame someone because it is just too, too hard to accept that they didn’t see it coming and they hadn’t helped. When a tragedy happens, people cast about for a way to make sense of it. They may not, in fact, have had any more to do with your dad’s suicide than you did, but they may be fending off feelings of responsibility and self-blame by blaming you.
I suggest you contact a women’s center. Often women’s centers have a resource and referral office that helps people connect with services they need. The center itself may have support groups running. Another avenue for support is the communities of faith in your area. It may be that one of the religious leaders is open to providing counseling for someone who can’t afford to pay for therapy. Sometimes hospitals offer grief groups too. When I did a web search for grief groups in your area, I found quite a few. Ask your doctor if she or he knows of any services as well.
I hope you find a group. The support of other people who know how you feel will give you some relief. Eventually, I hope the family gets some family therapy so they can stop making you the focus of their grief and you can feel comfortable in family gatherings.
I wish you well.