I hate everything. I hate the people at my school. I lost interest in my school. I don’t want to go anymore. I want to give up.
I’m 20 and I’m in my second year of college. I feel lost and lonely and I feel like no one likes me. I don’t like myself. I’ve lost interest in my major and basically everything. I’m always tired. I feel so lazy. I feel ugly and not wanted. I don’t feel like I have real people around me, I feel like I don’t know how to communicated properly with people. I don’t have a job but I know I need one, but I just gave up in looking for one. I am not good with my craft which is art.
I do have a therapist but I’m scared to go to her for some reason. It feels like I’m faking all of this. Is it real or do I want attention. I just don’t know anymore. I’m so hyper at school but I feel like it’s just my coping mechanism to just survive there. I talk so much but when I get home I regret everything. When I’m alone I blurt out words such as “I hate myself” or “I hate my life”. I can’t control it. It just comes out, but this is when I’m thinking about the negative thoughts. Sometimes I get so frustrated I bite myself until I feel better or I hit myself. I think it’s better than cutting. It doesn’t make me feel better but it makes me stop thinking about the bad stuff.
I’m sorry if this is very sporadic. I just don’t know what to do.Lost
Yes, you do know what to do. You need to go back to your therapist ASAP. This is no way to live. You sound miserable.
To cut through your fear, forward your question and my response to your therapist and ask for an appointment. Then be honest with her. Therapists only have the information a client brings to us. If we get incomplete information, we end up giving incomplete and pretty useless help.
One other thing: If you haven’t had a medical checkup in awhile, please also make an appointment to get one. Although it may be that your problem is the onset of depression, it’s also possible that there is an undiagnosed medical issue that is contributing to your negativity. Believe it or not, a vitamin deficiency, a thyroid condition, or anemia, for example, can cause major changes in mood.
Please take care of yourself!
I wish you well.