Now I’m starting to think I’m just crazy: I’m 20 years old and I find myself losing touch with the world more and more each day. All throughout my life I’ve always known I was different. Growing up, I understood things the other kids didn’t. I was smarter than the other kids and I was invincible. Things started going down hill for me around aged 12. I was still the smarted and different from everyone else, but I had lost friends. From this age onward I would only have 1 or less friends at a time. I started having troubling thoughts and began doubting my reality.
Now I am an adult and I realise how wrong I was. Although I still feel that way, even though I know it can’t be right. Otherwise why would i be doing so badly in life?
I’m too depressed to do anything productive. And I can’t stand other people, so I avoid them. Sometimes if I’m in public I feel like screaming and pulling my hair out just because they don’t understand. Because I think they are all stupid and I hate that they are doing so well in life and I’m not. I don’t feel they deserve anything (even though when I think about it alot of them do. It’s just first reaction to seeing someone, I think the worst of them). I’ve been talking to people inside my head more and more often as the years go by. Repeating people are a male and female doctor, and a parent that doesnt exist. Other times it’s just random peoples voices that never return though.
I often get paranoid and think people are listening in on my thoughts or trying to mess with them, so I quickly change my thoughts to 100 different things and try to act normal but then they know I know they are listening.
I also often fantasize about being a multi-billionaire or being extremely powerful/invincible physically. Then when I snap out of it and come back to reality I get so depressed because I know it’s the complete opposite.
Is there medicine I can take for this?Am I Special or Crazy?
Am I Special or Crazy?
Your symptoms are unusual and concerning. You have feelings of grandiosity (i.e., feeling special). You also hear voices, experience paranoia, have trouble with social relationships, and have bouts of depression. With the exception of depression, your symptoms are characteristic of psychosis. Symptoms of psychosis are associated with schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder and several other mental health disorders. Individuals who experience a milder version of psychotic symptoms might have schizotypal, paranoid or schizoid personality disorder. I cannot say with certainly if you have any of the aforementioned mental health disorders. Only an in-person psychiatric evaluation could make that determination.
To answer your question directly, yes, there is medication that could effectively treat your symptoms. Antipsychotic medications can decrease or eliminate the voices, paranoia and your grandiose feelings. Antidepressants can help to stabilize your mood. You may also want to consider therapy to address your social interaction difficulties.
You have been experiencing psychosis-like symptoms since adolescence. These symptoms should be addressed and treated as soon as possible. Undoubtedly, they are negatively impacting your life. If left untreated, they may become worse and potentially lead to a full-blown psychotic episode. Medication would greatly reduce that risk and it could significantly improve the quality of your life. I hope that you will consider having a psychiatric evaluation and beginning treatment. I wish you the best of luck. Don’t hesitate to write again if you have additional questions. Please take care.