I would concur with your sons who contend that reconnecting with your ex is a bad idea. To paraphrase Maya Angelou: “people always show you early on who they are and if you don’t hear it, it is because you are just not listening.”
Your ex has a history of abuse. History of violence is the most reliable predictor of future violence. No one can predict for certain if he will abuse you again but the fact that he is noncompliant with his medications and is currently experiencing symptoms of psychosis significantly increases the likelihood of violence.
It is often difficult for an individual to control their behavior while they are actively psychotic. By definition psychosis is a break with reality. In other words, individuals who are psychotic have difficulty distinguishing what is real and what is not real. Their judgment is significantly impaired. His misinterpretation of reality could result in violence.
If you choose to reconnect with your ex, then you should do so slowly and with strict boundaries placed upon the relationship. For instance, don’t allow him to return to your home until he has at least at least six months of proven medication compliance and there is clear evidence that his symptoms are under control. He’d have to prove to you that he is taking his medication on a consistent and daily basis, not just in the period before his psychiatry appointment.
Given the information provided, I would not advise you to continue your relationship with your ex. He is not mentally stable, he is noncompliant with his much-needed psychiatric medication, he has a history of violence towards you, and you already suspect that he may be manipulating your emotions. However, I understand that my knowledge of your situation is limited. There are likely many more details about the relationship that were not included in your letter. It would be advantageous to meet with a therapist to discuss your situation in further detail. A therapist could gather the necessary information to objectively evaluate your situation, and assist you in making the best possible decision about how to proceed.
Please take care. I wish you the best of luck.
Dr. Kristina Randle