Well, this is looking hopeless..but here goes nothing. I am 22 years old and I have been depressed my entire life. All I ever do is play video games so that I can escape my life and occupy my time. Sometimes I will get so depressed that I can’t even do that, I’ll just sit alone and stare at nothing until I have to go to work so that I can survive another day for a reason unknown to me. I never knew what I wanted to do with my life, I still don’t, and I am not interested in anything. Nothing excites me, I feel totally dead inside. Writing this now seems so futile.
Nothing really happened as a climax point in my life that caused me to be this way, but my dad died 2 years ago. I’ve always had a horrible relationship with my parents and my whole family. I am very shy naturally, I have an agreeable personality (that I hate), I have no friends, and I’ve been single my entire life. I’m not religious at all.
I don’t believe in anything except that I exist, and I really wish it wasn’t me. Every day I wonder why me, why do I have a consciousness and not somebody else instead. Every day I say to myself, “I hate my f——- life and I want to die”. I’m not somebody who cries a lot, and I’m not someone who harms themselves. I don’t think I will ever kill myself, I just don’t have what it takes, I will stick it out to the end for whatever that’s worth. I am so lonely and bored with everything, and it just seems like there is nobody out there. I’ve been to bars and social events and different things, but it’s just not helping me any. If you have anything to say to me I would appreciate it. Thanks