Stop talking to him and try to start a new life. As difficult as it sounds your own insight about your options is the very thing that needs to happen. There are too many unknowns here to put too much, if any, emphasis in a relationship. Stay in touch, lament, and keep the relationship as fluid and flexible as possible, but move on. Your age is a strong factor in your resilience in coping with this loss, and your recovery. I think this will be both difficult and liberating. I encourage you to write us back and let us know how it is going.