Uhh. I’m 13 and I I will sound crazy, but I’m serious here. You know the phrase ‘train of thought’? Well, it needs a track if it’s a train. So my whole life there were two tracks of thought, mine & a narrator (stupid things like ‘as she opens the fridge’ only after I read a novel) Well, since puberty, increasingly the narrator thinks (well talks but I can’t LITERALLY hear it) more often, and there is another track, an interviewer, which I have internal conversations with whilst pacing) And more importantly, the main one is rearranging itself. Picture, a long rectangle, made of two columbs connected, each made of blocks. And they’re arranged, so that it doesn’t conflict itself. But it has been rearranging itself and it’s sooo confusing. I feel like a liar, in everything I think, because half of me says one thing, and the other another.
Recent examples-1. ‘Reality is an illusion, everyone wants to take over your mind.’ The other half will respond, ‘That isn’t logical.’ First half responds “The concept of logicality is illogical. Anyways, they only WANT you to think logicality matters. You don’t exist anyway. You are immortal, and they just want to make you mortal.”
Another example is, if I see/hear something not there (not often though, just once/twice a week, hearing doors unlocking/voices saying my name/ufo/telephone being dialed or recently, seeing some chick just bizzarely STARING at me through a window) I’ll ask someone around me if they heard/saw it, they say no, mind half one:’crap not again’ other half ‘it’s there, they lie’. Crap like that, and I can’t focus on what I’m supposed to do. I don’t even know which half to believe. I just want it to STOP.
Please, do you have any idea what I’m saying? My few, barely trustable friends think I’m crazy. I can tell from their eyes.
Your letter shows you to be an articulate and intelligent young woman. But I think there may be more to this than a creative spirit and mind. I think you’re right to be concerned. I’m sure managing all this is at times exhausting.
Please ask your parents to take you for a mental health evaluation. If you have trouble explaining why, simply show them your letter and this response. You need to talk to someone who can hear your whole story and who can help you make sense of what is going on in your head. As you already know, you aren’t doing well on your own. There is no shame in getting some help with an unusual and distressing situation. With your intelligence and motivation, you’ll work well with a therapist.
I wish you well.