I have a group of fantastic friends, and a guy who I really like and he likes me. My parents won’t let me date. They think that this guy is a horrible influence, a manipulative monster and a cruel person. They think this because of a prank he pulled that really hurt me. He is bipolar and suffers from a lot of depression, he also has a hard time dealing with the past. We have this in common really and I really like him. He is one of the few people I feel safe around and I don’t understand why. When I will be able to date him, I want too but I doubt my parents will let me. Why won’t they listen to the fact he is a fantastic guy and a great person?

A: It can be very difficult for someone to want to be together with someone only to have that connection blocked. At 14 it is difficult to balance your desire with the fact that your parents are looking our for your best interests.

My biggest concern here is the fact that this person, this fantastic guy, planned a prank that was very hurtful to you. This isn’t okay under any circumstances. No parent would want their daughter to spend time with a guy who deliberately planned a prank that became hurtful.

Don’t confuse feeling safe with feeling familiar. The work here isn’t to get your parents to realize what a fantastic guy he is, but rather for this great person to work on letting your parents know he is sincerely apologetic for having hurt you. Unless he talks to your parents directly — unless he is able to learn and aplologize for his actions — your parents will see your desire for him as misguided. If he can’t take responsibility for the harm he has done, he isn’t going to be a good choice.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral