I would concur with your assessment that your attempts to help yourself “[aren’t] cutting it.” The proof is that your depression symptoms remain present. I admire your continued efforts to help yourself but it is important to recognize when those attempts are not working and to be willing to seek help from a professional. The latter should be your next step.
It’s not clear from your letter why you are reluctant to seek help. You might fundamentally believe that asking for help is a sign of weakness or that you “should” be able to solve your own problems. That type of mindset can be self-destructive in that it often leads to prolonged suffering. It is also an inefficient approach to problem-solving.
In the American culture, many people find it perfectly acceptable to seek medical attention when they are experiencing physical health symptoms. That same logic should be applied in cases of mental health symptoms.
It is obvious that you are suffering. You can begin to end your suffering by seeing a mental health professional. Virtually all college campuses have mental health professionals on staff to help their students. I would advise that you make an appointment as soon as possible with a mental health professional. Seeking professional help would be the most efficient and responsible way to handle your situation. I hope that you agree with my assessment and are able to receive the help that you deserve. Please take care.