Answering the “why” question can be difficult because each individual may engage in self-harm behavior for their own personal reasons. Generally, there are several reasons why individuals engage in self-harm. One reason may be that an individual feels as though they “deserve” to suffer. An individual who feels that way may fundamentally believe that they are unlovable or undeserving of love. They may also believe that they should be punished for a perceived wrongdoing.
Individuals often engage in cutting behavior when they do not know how to handle their strong, negative emotions. Some individuals who cut report that the only time they feel emotional relief (although temporary) is when they cut. Others do it because they feel emotionally numb. For them, cutting provides emotional stimulation. Physical pain interrupts the emotional numbness. Thus, they can feel something even if it’s pain.
Cutting is a sign that something is wrong and that someone is suffering. It can provide temporary relief but it’s always dangerous and ineffective.
At this point, you are not cutting but are feeling the urge to do so. The time to receive help is when you feel the urge to engage in dangerous behavior. I would strongly advise that you speak to your parents about seeing a therapist. A therapist could assist you in the development of alternative and healthy methods of dealing with emotional pain. There are many effective strategies in dealing with emotional pain, difficult feelings, and so forth but cutting is not among them. This is the prime opportunity to receive preventative help. Please consider my recommendation and please take care.