My boyfriend and me have been together for about 4 years, recently he has changed, it seems as though he doesn’t care about anyone, even himself or me. He lives quite far away from me, but before we could handle our relationship well. Now it’s tumbled down. He just goes to work, sleeps, watches TV/movies, plays games etc. He told me that he would spend the rest of his life with me. I can’t see myself being with anyone else but him. He’ a close family friend and we would get along well. Even though he still says he loves me, he really doesn’t seem like it – no one seems to understand me but I everyday I think about him more and more and its driving me crazy, when I talk to him He doesn’t talk back to me, he completely ignores my messages/IM’s, or gives me one word answers. I know if I break up with him, I wont be able to move on but if I stay with him, I can’t live with the fact that he doesn’t even bother communicating with me. I really want him to go back to his old self. He told me never to change and now he’s changed, I’ve explained to him so many times but he won’t listen. Someone please help me, it’s getting to the point where I just don’t know what to do with life anymore, I can’t cope with anything anymore, and it really hurts me now. And I know he couldn’t care less, because if I don’t talk to him, he says I never have anything to say but when I do have something to say. He would tell me to shut up. Should I leave him again (we usually have an on and off relationship)? Move on? And If I do stay, what shall I do or say? Help!
This sounds like an awful struggle! I can only imagine what it is like to want something more from someone, but not get it – at the same time feel you can’t leave. Very frustrating. Yet at 17 I think you should give yourself a chance to realize a bit more of your own dreams and goals and needs. A good long-term relationship is hallmarked by a tremendous amount of communication, and at least right now that doesn’t seem to be your boyfriend’s strength.
I would strongly encourage you to develop your own skills and talents and education. If the relationship is going to last, both of you are going to have to grow and communicate. Since communication isn’t happening right now, let your own growth happen. It is the safest way to proceed. You will have to grow if you are with him or not.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I’m Trapped in My Relationship. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2012/01/03/im-trapped-in-my-relationship/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 3 Jan 2012) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.