I feel everything is falling apart. I’m in a situation where everything is going wrong, but I can’t leave. I’m first year university student whose father is slowly dying. I go to an university where makes me more depressed(my parents pressured me to go there since it was close to home),but I can’t move because of my dad(I can’t even move out of the house, since I’m at school studying constantly and then helping out my dad at home). I’m an only child so I feel that even if my dad dies, I have to stay with my mom since we don’t have other relatives in the country. And, to be honest, I hate the place where I live and I want to move badly. But, it feels as if I can’t because of my mom, the fact all my contacts are in the city (and this is good for job opportunities). But, this place is killing me.
Because of my dad, I can’t even switch universities, which means that I am subjected to constant commuting from where I live. I barely get sleep because I’m so stressed I can’t sleep (since I have to wake up early to go to university.) Did I even mention that I recently moved in a small town and I know nobody? (and all my previous friends just went on with their lives, not even bothering to ask me how am I doing.)
I just hate that this is going to be my life for next 4 years. I don’t even know if my life will get better after that. The more I think about it, the more I feel that I just want to die. But, I can’t even do that because of my dad. So, It’s just miserable life.
I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. It is important to put your situation in perspective. Your life was likely not always as difficult as it is now. You are facing a challenging time. Your father is dying. You recently moved and have begun college. You are in a new town and you don’t know anyone. Virtually anyone faced with that set of life circumstances would be struggling. It is understandable that you feel the way that you do.
Having said that, is important that you know that suicide is never the answer. Yes, your life is difficult but it will not always be this way. You predict that it will be so but have no evidence to support that prediction. Depression has a pervasive effect and will result in negative predictions of the future. Ending your life is not the correct solution to your problem. The only appropriate solution is to seek professional help.
Almost all colleges and universities in the United States have mental health professionals on staff. Those services are free of charge to all registered students. I would encourage you to locate the counseling center on campus and make an appointment immediately.
Now, most of all, you need support and counseling. I hope that you will seek professional help. If you feel that you might harm yourself, go to the hospital or call 911 immediately. I wish you the best of luck.
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Suicidal. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/12/17/suicidal/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 17 Dec 2011) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.