You are in a difficult situation. You love your husband. There are many positive qualities about him but also some negative qualities, namely the emotional abuse. You, in particular, are a target of his abuse, as is your daughter. Unfortunately, that will not likely change as long as he refuses to seek help.
If he cannot change, cannot control his behavior and refuses to seek help then you have a difficult decision to make. Your options, as I see them, would include:
1. staying in the marriage and tolerating the abuse;
2. giving him an ultimatum: agree to treatment or else a separation; or
3. consider terminating the relationship.
Of the three, the second option might provide the necessary leverage to begin treatment.
When a loved one refuses to seek help, and their behavior is negatively affecting others, it is often those who are being negatively affected who must act. That seems to be the unfortunate reality in this situation.
I would highly recommend consulting a therapist. A therapist could offer a much-needed objective perspective into this situation. He or she could also gather detailed information about the history of the relationship, advise you about how to handle this problem and offer his or her support during this difficult time.
The primary reason why I am recommending therapy is that you may be in denial about the full reality of your situation. Your love for your husband may be clouding your judgment. Your husband apparently cannot control his behavior and is abusive toward you and your daughter. His abuse is damaging. It is harming you, the relationship and your daughter. The proof is that your daughter is now frightened of your husband. In addition, you characterized your household as one in which all of the family members feel as though they have to “walk on egg shells” when he is present.
There is no simple solution to this problem. That is why I hope that you will consider seeking professional help. Mental health professionals are trained to deal with these very problems. The find help tab, at the top of this page, can help you to locate a mental health professional in your community. I wish you and your family the best of luck.