Sometimes my family’s friend watches me. Once I stayed with him for a week. He wouldn’t let me wear any clothes because he said that he loved me for all of me and accepted me for all that I was. He said the only reason no one else would look at me without clothes is because I’m ugly. He said its my fault I’m ugly because I eat too much. He got really mad because I was on my period, but then said he was sorry. He showed his forgiveness by raping me. He said he had to do it to prove to me that he loves all of me and accepted me for all that I am unlike everybody else who won’t have sex with me. It was so scary.
I don’t know what to do. I’m sooo soooo afraid. He said that if I tell he’ll have to hurt me. He showed me what he would do to me if I betray him by telling. He also said that hurt my family if I betray him.
Part of me knows it’s wrong and that he should go to jail, but another part feels like I deserved it and that it is my fault. I’m so confused because part of me also feels very special. I hate myself and want to die because when he rapes me it feels good even though it was so horrible and wrong. Part of me looks forward to when he’ll do it again and another part dreads it. I’m worried that its not rape because it felt good. I want him to go to jail. what should I do? If he finds out and the police can’t prove it, he’ll hurt my family and he’ll hurt me. what do I do? he’s not just some guy, he’s a friend of my family.
My response to your question, regarding whether or not it is your fault that an adult man is raping you, is emphatically no. It is not your fault, no matter how you feel about the experience. Please do not blame yourself. No one ever deserves the type of treatment that you are receiving. No one. Ever. Never forget that.
The man who is forcing you to have sex with him is a predator. His crimes need to be reported to the police as soon as possible. What he is doing is illegal in all 50 states across the country. He, in all likelihood, will be sent to jail and that is where he belongs. Once in jail he can no longer harm you or threaten to harm you.
I would strongly advise you to call the police, tell your parents, or tell a faculty member at the school. Here is the phone number to the Child Abuse Hotline in your city: 800-252-5400.
You cannot keep this a secret. Do not consider his feelings. Go immediately to an adult or to the authorities and report what is happening to you. It is the only proper way to handle this situation.
Kristina Randle, Ph.D., LCSW is a licensed psychotherapist and Assistant Professor of Social Work and Forensics with extensive experience in the field of mental health. She works in private practice with adults, adolescents and families. Kristina has worked in a large array of settings including community mental health, college counseling and university research centers.
APA Reference Randle, K. (2018). Is This My Fault?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on December 9, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/11/26/is-this-my-fault/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 26 Nov 2011) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.