Hello, It’s been about 9 years going through untreated trauma (physical, verbal, sexual abuse) and negative feelings/thoughts. I don’t know how I am still alive, but I am. My heads all jumbled up and I can’t clear my thoughts. I have “out of body experiences”. My moods flip flop, one minute I’m down, then I’m up, then angry, then irritable, the completely depressed till at one point I feel nothing at all. I’m anxious all the time. I am cutter. I’ve been cutting for years on and off, but I feel like it is not doing much anymore (I still can’t stop though). Thus, I stopped eating. Not because I am self-conscious, but because with all the chaos in my head, I need to focus on something. I guess focusing on an empty stomach helps. I’m not quite sure how long that will last. I cannot talk to my family. I have one best friend who I talk to, but there’s not much she can do. I need help; I have no clue what to do or how to go on through my days. You would think after dealing with this for years I would get used to it, but I haven’t. I feel like I’m losing my sanity.Losing My Sanity
Losing My Sanity
You may feel that you are losing your sanity but you have remarkable clarity about the fact that you need help. I would wholeheartedly agree with your assessment of needing help.
Your situation is not improving. It is becoming worse, in large part because you haven’t received treatment for your traumatic experiences of nearly a decade ago. That is a long time to suffer.
Both your body and mind are suffering: your body because of the dangerous cutting and starvation; your mind because of emotional instability and derealization experiences. You are on the edge of losing your grip on reality. Professional help is required. I would strongly advise you to go to the nearest mental health clinic or to see your primary care physician immediately. I hope that you are able to receive the help that you desire. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle