Self-blame is a common reaction among individuals who have been neglected or abused by their parents or caretaker. Those individuals may even come to the conclusion that they deserved the abuse because they, in essence, are “a bad person.” That line of thinking can contribute to low self-esteem and the belief that an individual is unworthy or unlovable. Subsequently, that negative view of the self can lead to depression and other mental health problems.
It is important that you realize that the way your mother treated you is a reflection of her and not a reflection of you. No child deserves to be abused. Her actions and her words hurt you as a child but you are no longer a child. It is now incumbent upon you to live your own life, apart from your mother, no matter how she treated you.
The job of each young adult is to break free from their parents and to live their own lives.
The most efficient way to deal with your issues is to go to counseling. Counseling is the ideal environment to explore your issues in depth. I would highly recommend it. The find help tab, at the top of this page, can help you to locate a therapist in your community. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle