Throughout your letter you reference a significant life-changing family incident that occurred five years ago. It was apparently traumatic because it impacted your life in a negative way. However, you have omitted that key piece of information from your letter. Without that information, it is difficult for me to provide you with specific advice.
With regard to art and writing, it is possible that you did utilize them as a way to cope with strong emotions. Art and writing, as a creative outlet, may have served as a form of psychological protection. That creative outlet may have prevented the development of serious psychological problems.
Art and writing served a psychologically healthy purpose during your tumultuous teenage years but those particular outlets may no longer be necessary as an adult. In other words, the needs that you had during your teenage years are different than the needs you have in your current phase of life. You may like art and writing and still want to engage in those activities but you may no longer feel the “need” to do it. Try not see that change as something negative. It might be evidence of psychological growth and development.
As one grows and develops, change is evitable. Change may be frightening and disorienting but it is a necessary aspect of psychological growth.
In addition, it’s not uncommon for individuals to write poetry during their teenage years. Few individuals are destined as adults to become poets, yet poetry writing among teenagers is seemingly universal. The point here is that many teenagers engage in some type of creative exercise which they will ultimately abandon as they mature.
You could greatly benefit from counseling. Many of the issues that you are struggling with, including traumatic history, confusion about what you want to do with your life, dealing with life transitions and identity development, are the prototypical reasons why many individuals enter counseling. You would be a great candidate for counseling. I would highly recommend it. The find help tab, at the top of this page, can help you to locate a therapist in your community. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle