You are currently in the midst of a medication transition. You have described that experience as “hellish.” Many people would concur with that assessment. They too find it to be an unpleasant process. It is “hellish” largely because of the emotional dysregulation that often characterizes that experience. It is very likely contributing to your current feelings of agitation, irritability and your overall emotional instability.
You should consider returning to counseling. You tried counseling approximately 20 years ago yet the depression has remained.
Therapy could be advantageous for several reasons. One reason is that it might clarify whether you are currently having a depression episode or if your symptoms are associated with the transitional medication process. Secondly, a therapist could assist you in the development of relaxation techniques that might increase your emotional stability during this transitional period. Finally, therapy could help you to address your symptoms of major depression that have been your “ball and chain” for more than a quarter of a century. There are effective therapeutic modalities that can significantly minimize your depression or eliminate it from your life. Psychotherapeutic treatments have advanced a great deal since the 1980s.
I would encourage you to discuss your symptoms with your psychiatrist. He or she might prescribe a medication that can quell your agitation and irritable feelings while you are transitioning to a new set of medications. Also, I hope that you will consider counseling. A competent therapist can help to permanently remove depression from your life. I wish you the best. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle