Some of my very best friends have Aspergers. They are very smart, know a great deal about things that interest them, and they are very loyal friends. The diagnosis itself is not something to fear. If you do find you are an Aspie, it may in fact be quite a relief. You will know what you are dealing with.
Here’s the good news: There are therapists who specialize in helping adults with Aspergers learn how to manage social interactions well enough to get along in the world and to hold a job. You didn’t mention what you do for work. My guess is that you know your field very well. Your therapist or a career counselor who works with Aspies could help you identify a job in your field where there are fewer social demands and where your expertise is valued so much that your social difficulties are overlooked.
Please do get an evaluation from a mental health counselor who works specifically with people who have Aspergers or high-functioning autism. I think you’ve suffered far too long with the uncertainy and loneliness.
I wish you well.