What a burden this must be to cope with! But I certainly admire the fact that you are looking to change and that you have reached out to us here.
Although I rarely make such a direct recommendation I feel compelled to do so in this case. Your mind, for whatever reason, is trying to protect you from things that you don’t need protection from. Everything I know about that process is that anything we can do to get your frontal lobes to take a little break should be helpful. The thing I am going to recommend is MBSR mindfulness-based stress reduction. If that isn’t available in your area, yoga and meditation class will be a help.
Meditation does many things that are helpful and have been verified through research. But the main thing is that it will help you gain a sense of control.