I am sorry you are having such a difficult time. It is hard to deal with depression, especially when you are attempting to handle it yourself.
You highlighted one of the benefits of keeping a journal, which is that you have a written record of your thoughts. In your case, it helped to determine just how long you’ve been depressed. It also helped you to see the progression of the depression.
Your family is beginning to notice that something is wrong. You may not want to tell them the truth but soon you may have to. Your concern is that your family may treat you differently if they knew you were depressed. My presumption is that you are concerned that they will treat you harshly or think about you in a negative light. I don’t have many details about your specific family situation but most families would not react the way you fear. They most likely would want to help you.
I encourage you to tell your parents about your depression. Ask your parents if they will take you to be evaluated by a mental health professional. If you feel that you cannot speak to your parents, then discuss your concerns with someone you trust and who you believe can assist you in accessing professional help.
You have noticed that your depression is getting worse. The proper way to handle this situation is to seek help. Depression is a treatable condition. It is not something that you should have to live with. You should not feel ashamed. You did not cause your depression. Depression happened to you. Now, it is your responsibility to ask for the help that you deserve. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle