Your husband is in serious denial and so are you. He’s pretending he doesn’t have responsibilities as a husband and father. You are pretending that you can keep your financial boat afloat by throwing money at the situation. It isn’t working. It’s as if you are trying to fill a pitcher that has a hole in the bottom. Of even more concern is that you are in denial about the care your children are getting from him. This isn’t a safe or healthy situation for them.
I absolutely sympathize with the stress that unemployment can put on a guy. But the answer is not to sink the family. He could be giving you the emotional and practical support you need to provide for the family. Yes, it is a reversal of the traditional roles. But having one parent at home and one parent providing is a model that women have accepted and done well for generations and more and more men are embracing. It’s a model that can and does work. If he can’t find a job, your husband needs to do the job of taking care of the house and children so that you can perform well. As many, many men and women can tell him, that can be as rewarding and dignfying as any employment.
Your husband is too depressed to make a change so it’s up to you. For the sake of all your children, including the baby to come, separate your money. The money your husband has wasted could have gone to good childcare and some household help. Give him a modest allowance but that’s it, no exceptions, until he becomes a solid contributing partner. Make sure you are not responsible for any credit cards he has in his possession. You may need to see a lawyer to make sure you are not left holding the bag if he defaults on his financial obligations. Demand that your husband get into serious treatment, take his medications, and put himself on a money diet. He should probably sell some of the cars and stay out of the bars. Without money, he won’t be able to escape the reality that he is in serious trouble. When you stop cooperating with his denial, he’ll be less able to keep up the pretense of being among the privileged rich.
If your husband can’t or won’t man up, you have difficult decisions to make. Your first obligation is to the safety and welfare of your kids.
I realize that it’s terribly hard to make ultimatums to someone you love. But without a cold splash of reality, there is no reason for your husband to change. Wake up and get busy. Your new baby as well as your older kids deserve to have a more relaxed mom and a more responsible dad.
I wish you well.