You are NOT a loser. You are a kid who is being sexually and physically abused. No kid deserves this. Nothing you have said or done makes this your fault. Your stepdad is an adult. You are a kid. He is supposed to love you and protect you and take care of you — no matter what.
Your stepdad knows he will go to jail if he is caught so he threatens you so you won’t tell. He is scaring you to keep you quiet. For it to stop, you need to scrape up what courage you have left and talk to an adult about what is happening. Ideally, a kid should be able to tell her mother and her mother would call the police and throw the guy out. But not all mothers believe their kids. Think about it. If you think your mother will do the right thing, start with her. If you think she is as scared of your stepdad as you are, go to your school nurse or school guidance counselor instead. One place you can call is the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD. Counselors are there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They can help you find a local agency that will help you. All calls to Childhelp are anonymous and confidential.
If you don’t trust any adult you know to help you, you can make the call yourself. It’s the only way this will stop and you and your family will get the counseling and help you all need and deserve.
I’m so glad you wrote. Reaching out for some help is the first step to ending this nightmare. If you need to talk to someone to help you get up the courage to call Social Services – or just to listen – you can call the counselors at the Boys and Girls Town Hotline at 800-448-3000. Counselors are there day and night to help you. All calls are completely confidential.
I wish you well.