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Borderline mom — now insecure relationship

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I grow up with a borderline mom and an in-denial father who retreated into his religion. I become the caretaker and comedian and parent for my two younger siblings. I ended up breaking down and acting out in my teen years. Doing drugs and sexually acting out. Then sent to a treatment center by my dad at 17years old. I then lived on my own ever since. I have always been independent and freedom loving in my relationships and in control. Now I am in love and with someone who is clingy and allowed me to need him emotionally. I am anxious, overly jealous, controlling, and really insecure.

Borderline mom — now insecure relationship

Answered by on -

A.

It makes sense to me that someone who has been a survivor in a family with emotionally unavailable parents and an excessive sense of responsibility would have the type of responses you have had. You were used to being needed (by your siblings) but most likely never allowed yourself to feel needy toward someone. My guess this is new territory for you in this relationship. Of course you would feel threatened. You protected yourself from emotionally needing others, and now that you do your insecurity is bubbling up. You are afraid they too won’t be there for you.

If he is willing it may be wonderful for both of you to enter into couples therapy. This would give you both insight about what is happening in the relationship. If he is not willing you will want to think about individual therapy to get yourself properly oriented. The find help tab at the top of the page will help you locate someone in your area.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Borderline mom — now insecure relationship

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Borderline mom — now insecure relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2011/09/24/borderline-mom-now-insecure-relationship/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.