First, and most important: Congratulations on your marriage to a man you truly love. Please don’t let the wedding overshadow what’s really important. A wedding takes hours. A marriage should be for a lifetime. If the family wedding is something you’re doing for others, I do suggest that you and your fiance also have your own private ceremony that is just for you where you can focus on your love and your vows. You can go to a justice of the peace or the two of you can simply go to some beautiful spot and repeat your vows to each other.
I’m so, so sorry about your losses which now number three: Your father, your brother, and your mother. You’ve “lost” your mother, at least for now, to her depression. Please don’t listen to her words. The things she said about your wedding are the depression talking. Like you, she has lost two people she loved. Unlike you, she hasn’t found a way to move forward. My guess is that the laughter isn’t about ridicule or amusement. It’s a cover for anxiety and pain. I’m very concerned that she has talked about suicide. If you can, see if you can go with her to talk to whoever is prescribing for her. The prescriber needs to know how serious her symptoms are. She may not be as forthcoming as she could be. Further, she needs more than medication. She needs a therapist to provide additional support and guidance during this difficult time.
It’s just true that sometimes when people need help the most, they push it away. It may be helpful to organize some of your closest relatives to support your mom. Make an appointment for a consultation with a mental health professional to help you all understand effective ways to help her. I can’t guarentee it will work but I think you’ll feel better if you know you’ve tried everything possible.
Please remember that you carry your father and brother with you in your heart. It’s tragic that the only way they could figure out to end their pain was to suicide. Like your mother, they were too caught in their own feelings to think about how their actions might affect you and the others who loved them. To me, that means that their pain was very big, not that their love for you was too small. I hope you can focus on positive memories and celebrate that your father lives on in the ways you are like him.
I wish you and your family well.